You can't try to be a writer.

I've never really been one for indecisiveness. But God damn, have these past two days been plagued with it. My situation is an enviable one. But that doesn't mean it isn't without its detriments.

I have a hard time telling people no, especially people I care about. I've learned, mostly from my parents, to bend over backward to keep people happy. I've found myself spread too thin more than a few times as a result.

My latest predicament is choosing between a one-year internship at the Ledger and a full-time job at a local weekly. Coming to some sort of conclusion on the best course of action is tough. It strikes me how my primary concern is not what's best for me, but rather, the fear of hurting the feelings of my current employer and a potential employer.

The fact of the matter is that neither puts me on track to my true desire: to be a writer. My role in both positions would be primarily editorial. This is not to say that I don't enjoy editorial responsibilities, but my heart is truly in writing.

Though I can't have both jobs -- negating the possibility of hurting someone's feelings -- I can work a steady job and write for some extra income. It's just a matter of balancing both. I think I can manage, though it's not really a matter of consideration. I have to manage.

It's who I am. It's in my blood. I was thinking that really, if I make a go of this and fail, I can take comfort in the fact that I tried. But really, trying isn't an option. I just have to do it.